Not so crazy after all

I thought of pulling my hood up to cover my face, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Covering my face with my hood would have drawn attention. Besides, I doubt anyone would even know who I am. And if someone were following me, covering my face wouldn't help.

I made my way through an alley. A man asked for a coin and I tossed him a handful of gold. "I wasn't here," I said, and moved on without waiting for his reaction. At the end of the alley I crossed the street and went into a trading post.

"May I help you milord?" the man behind the counter said.

"Yes," I said. "Is there a back door?"

"Milord?"

I could see it from where I was standing. The door opened into the back alley, and from there I could see the park. From where I was, you couldn't see me from the street. I tossed a couple of platinum pieces to the storekeeper and walked behind the counter.

"I wasn't here," I said.

"Ah," the storekeeper said. "I seem to have gone blind for a few seconds." When I opened the back door I could hear him speak. "Ah, getting better now."

I headed down the alley and into the park. I couldn't be sure if I was followed so I went deep inside the park near where the statue was situated, but I didn't walk up to it. I parked myself near a large tree surrounded by bushes that was situated on a hill. I could easily see the statue and the street from where I came. I could not see any other part of the park, which meant people in other parts of the park could not see me. I watched quietly. People came and went, but no one lingered very long.

Finally, I saw him. Joseph wandered out from behind a tree and edged toward the statue. He looked like a kid pretending to be a ninja. He was maybe twenty feet away from me. I called out to him, trying to keep my voice low enough so as not to be heard from to far away.

"Inagottadevita."

He turned suddenly. If anyone was watching, then they would know where I was. I tried to peer between the bushes to see if the coast was clear. I was probably being overly paranoid, but better safe than sorry. Besides, as Doctor Johnny Fever said, paranoia is just clear thinking when people are after you.

Joseph looked around and then walked casually toward me. He walked between the bushes to where I was standing. He nodded at me.

"You're early," he said.

"We never did synchronize our swatch watches, did we?"

"What kind of watch?"

"Never mind." I took a quick look around. "I hope we weren't followed."

"Followed by who?" Joseph said. "Look, man. I'm, like, harmless, you know? No one pays me no mind."

"Wish I could say the same," I said.

"Wait a second man." Joseph suddenly reminded me of Tommy Chong. "You didn't, like, become one of those adventurers or something."

"Yeah I, like, did," I said.

"Why?"

"Well, it just kinda happened," I said. I gave him a brief story about how I got here. He just nodded.

"Yeah, same here. Man, first thing I saw was an elf." He snorted. "Dude, I was tripping at the time. Man, I kept thinking, 'this is the coolest trip ever.' But when I came down everything was the same. It took me a while before I figured it out."

"Yeah, well I found myself outside Hommlet," I said. "I'd played the game so I knew the name of the town right off."

"Game?"

"Yeah," I said. "Say, what year did you come out of?"

"1977."

"Ah, you missed it by a few years." I told him about D&D and the guys who invented it, and about the modules that I seemed to have lived out. He stopped when I mentioned the temple.

"No way," he said. "Were you, like, part of those guys who took out the temple?"

"Yeah," I said. "Me and the guys I'm with."

"Far out, man." I couldn't help but smile. Yeah, he was old and out of date, but in this world we were all weidrd. I liked him.

We kept talking, in English in case someone was listening (of course, if they had the right kind of magic they might be able to understand us anyway). I told him about the 80s (new wave) and the 90s (grunge). I found out he was from New York City originally, but lived in Teluride for a while. I didn't have the heart to tell him about 9/11.

"So, you said there's three others like me?" I asked, trying to change the subject a little.

"Yep. One guy lives in Highfolk. He calls himself George Lucas. He's the guy from 2020 I was telling you about. Man, he got in with the high elves, you know, studying magic and all. Got himself an elven wife even. The other is this girl who lives outside of Greyhawk. She calls herself Nancy Drew. She runs a tavern out there called the Callahan's Crosstime Saloon. Don't know who Callahan is though."

I understood the reference, but I didn't want to take the time to explain it. Besides, I never read the book anyway. "What about the third?"

"Yeah," he said. He looked at his feet and kicked at a small pile of leaves. "Yeah, he's trouble."

"Figures," I said. "What'd he do?"

"You know that war that's going on?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, the guy directing it is the third."

"Really?" I said. "What's his name."

He shrugged. "Don't know, and I don't want to get close again to find out. Man, that guy has some serious bad karma."

"How close did you get?"

"Well, I didn't know what was happening at first. It was shortly after I got here that I started to notice him. See, I can sense other people from Earth. When they show up, I know it and I know where they are. So, I started looking for him hoping to find someone I could talk to. I didn't speak Common at the time, and I hoped he'd speak English."

"Oh?" I said.

"Nope," he said. "You speak like a native."

"When I came here I just knew Common," I said. "Strangest thing."

"Everyone's got their own power when they come here," Joseph said. "The 2020 guy? He just knew magic. He could read magic like reading a menu, you know? And Nancy Drew can talk to animals of all things. She's got a bunch of them around that do what she tells them to."

"What about this Evil One who runs the show?" I said.

"Yeah, him," Joseph said. "I only saw him from a distance. He was talking to a bunch of humanoids. They did what he said. The few people I talked to said that this guy just calls himself the General. They say he's not the brains of the invasion, but he just finds the right people to do the job, you know? They say he's got a way with words. Everyone he talks to just does what he wants."

"That explains a few things," I said. "No way one guy could just conquer a bunch of kingdoms like that. So, he can charm people at will, eh?"

"Guess so," he said.

"And your power is that you can tell where the rest of us are?"

"That's it," he said.

"So where's this General anyway?"

"South east," he said. "If I had to guess, I'd say somewhere south of the Flinty Hills. Too far behind enemy lines to reach."

"That's good to know," I said. "Look, you could be useful, you know? To the people fighting this war."

"Hey man, I burned my draft card, you know," he said. "I hated guns and I hate swords too, man. Not picking one up, kay?"

"What's wrong with swords?" Kan said.

Joseph looked at me for a moment before glancing down at my sword. Kantos Kan will go days without saying a word, and then pipe up at the most inconvenient moment. Even in this world of magic, talking swords are unusual.

"Dude," Joseph said thoughtfully. "Did your sword just...?"

"Yeah," I said. "Seriously, you don't have to pick up a sword. Just work with some of the people running defense here and that'd do a world of good."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I hear you. But who'd believe me?"

"I would," I said. "I already do. And I can hook you up with some people that probably want to talk to you."

"Yeah, like who."

"You know Prince Thrommel?" I said. Joseph nodded. "We're tight."

Both his eyebrows went up and his mouth hung open in a fashion that probably passed for respect. "Far out, dude."

Yeah. I suppose it is.

------------------

I led Joseph back to the manor. I didn't want to leave him in the park. If anyone was looking for him then he'd be vulnerable. But in the manor, he'd at least have some protection. I thought of taking him through the front door but I didn't think anyone would react well to that. So I took him through the back way--over the wall and through the hedge. The wall was tricky. Joseph didn't stay in the best of shape. After some huffing and puffing, he managed to land on the other side without breaking anything.

"Wait here," I said. "Keep out of sight for now."

He gave me a thumbs up and sat down near the wall. He pulled the dirty hood of his dirty cape over his dirty head and went to sleep. I hoped he didn't snore.

I went back into the compound. None of the guests were in sight. It looked like the church service thing Derish was fond of wasn't quite over yet. I went to the manor steps, nodded at the guards, and then went inside. A lot of the guests were mulling around in the foyer. Some event was going to happen, but I didn't know what. Probably our resident bard was going to finish his tale of Edoira.

I saw Marc and got his attention. "What happened?" he asked when I approached.

"I found him," I said. "You know, he's not as weird as everyone says."

"Indeed?" Marc asked. "Do we need to have a wow-pow?"

"Pow-wow," I corrected. "Yeah, this guy is actually going to be helpful."

"In that case," Marc said, "perhaps Dame Gold would wish to hear as well. She has asked to meet us."

"About time," I said. "She say what the hold up was?"

"I'm afraid not," Marc said, "though I did not ask. Meet us in an hour?"

I nodded. "I need a set of armor from one of the guards first."

"What in the seven heavens for?" Marc asked.

"Got to smuggle in our guest somehow," I said.

-------------------------

I should've dunked Joseph in a bath. He looked the part, but he walked like he had a wedgie.

"Dude, you wear this stuff?"

I showed him my chain mail under my tunic. "All the time. Dude. Of course, this stuff is magical so it's easier to wear."

"Magic," Joseph said. "Magic is far out."

I nodded. I wasn't sure how much more of this 60s and 70s hippy stuff I could take any more.

We went to the back entrance. Someone would be there for us, though I didn't know who. No one was in sight. I guess our friendly neighborhood bard was giving the exciting (yawn) final chapter to the mighty Edoira, whoever that was. Guess I'll just have to wait for them to make it into a movie.

We reached the back door. I had to steadied Joseph so he wouldn't fall down, again. He looked up.

"Man, that is a serious huge house," he said.

"Yep," I said. "She's got another one just like it to the south." I knocked on the door. "I'd hate to do the vacuuming."

Joseph grinned.

The door opened and there stood Anna. "About time."

"Sorry," I said. I ushered Joseph in. The back way led into a what might have been servants quarters. "May I introduce the prophet Joseph. Seer of foreigners and heir to the 60s."

"Hi sugar," he said. He started stripping off his armor. "What's up?"

Much of that didn't really translate very well. Anna glanced at the ceiling briefly in reaction to his query, and then just wrinkled her nose. "Hi. John, he needs a bath."

"Do we have time?" I asked.

"We'll make the time." She reached out to grab him and then stopped, not willing to lay a hand on his grubbiness. I carried the armor pieces upstairs while Anna guided him, remaining as hands free as possible. Private baths are a rarity in this world. Fortunately, Dame Gold had the resources and the funds to have private baths in most of the guest rooms. Nobility has its perks.

We used our (the boys, I mean) private bath at Anna's insistence. She had already had a bath prepared (perhaps a little forward thinking on her part). I set the armor pieces on the floor. Joseph had his clothes off in seconds. He didn't seem to care that Anna stood right there. Anna rolled her eyes. "Gods, I'm leaving."

"Hey baby," Joseph said as Anna walked away, "it's just what nature gave us."

"Your mother should have told you," she said as she left the room. "Nature didn't give girls that."

"No kidding, babe," he said.

Anna turned sharply. "John's is better." She slammed the door shut.

Joseph looked at me. "Right on."

"C'mon, that's just wrong," I said.

"What?" He looked at himself. "I ain't ashamed of my body."

"Just get cleaned up okay," I said. I pointed to the soap. "Use that. And hurry."

I opend the door and left. I heard the water sloshing around as I closed the door. And he started singing.

You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you my love.

God help me, it was awful.

Anna stared at me, her eyes narrowed and a hand resting on her hip. "He's just like someone else I know."

"Hey, I bathe," I said.

"He knows the same songs," Anna said. "Same language, same attitude, same...." She glanced downward.

"You said mine was better. Wait a minute. When have you ever seen mine anyway?"

"You don't remember?"

Damn. What did I do when I was drunk anyway? "Never mind. How much time do we have?"

"About an hour," Anna said. "Say, you want to know why your's is better?"

"Get me drunk enough and then tell me. Besides, I've never seen yours.

"And you never will."