Just in time

Finally!

Well, we made it. After a short stay with some elves (and a little misunderstanding about what plants we could pick and what we couldn't--I'm not even going into it) we made it. We were afraid we'd be late, until we realized the event was a week later then we thought. Good thing. It would suck for representatives of Veluna to show up late (not to mention bad for job security). Good deal, though, 'cause now we get to party!

We entered Safeton around dusk. We showed our invitation, but they charged us a silver piece apiece anyway, for the guilds and all. Dr. McCoy was wrong. Taxes are the only universal constant. They gave us the standard warnings, chief of which is that no magic is allowed (Marc didn't like that, but what can you do?). They then wished us well. "Enjoy the feast," they said as we went into town.

"What's this thing called again?" Anna asked.

"The Feast of Edoira," Audry said. "It lasts all week."

"Sounds great," Saul said. "Just the thing to unwind after weeks on the road."

We proceeded into town. Dame Gold used to live a few hours down the coast away from Safeton, but with the outbreak of the war she moved into Safeton itself. Her new home is on the north edge of home along the coast. She has a contingent of guards all to herself to keep her safe. God knows I'd hate for anything bad to happen to her.

We proceeded through town to her home. Her house was the biggest in town, larger even than the guard barracks in downtown Safeton. The building was old (a hundred years if I remembered correctly) and once housed a duke from Nyrond. Now it was Dame's, and it suited her well.

Dame lives large and spares no expense. At the same time, she is not haughty and has a kind word for everyone. Her memory is uncanny, and she remembers everyone's name. Anyone who doesn't like her doesn't know her. You meet her, and you can't help but have complete admiration for the woman.

We walked up the property gate and showed the guard our papers. I remember the man, but I couldn't place his name (I wish my memory were as good as Dame's). He let us through and we went to the mansion steps. Dame was outside, supervising the erection of a platform for the coming festivities. When she saw us, she smiled broadly.

"My friends!" she said. "Gods, I thought you wouldn't make it."

She embraced each of us. Dame is about fortyish, but definite milf material. One thing I always liked about her was her choice in attire. She looked like she would fall out of her dress at any moment. The word to describe her on thin-fetished societies on Earth would have been "frumpy". Here, she was all woman. On top of that, she had the grace of a noble, the intelligence of a sage, and according to some men the lust of a harem girl.

"We are sorry for the delay," Marc said.

She shook her head. "It matters not. I am glad you are here. I would show you to your rooms but I must attend to this." She waved to the platform behind her. "Alas, you are not the only ones delayed. Aefird!"

An elderly gentleman came forward. I remembered the Chamberlain from our last visit. He looked like Alfred from Batman (the Tim Burton one, not the TV show, though I guess they're both similar). "Yes, madam?"

"Please show our guests to their rooms," Dame said. She faced us. "Again, thank you for coming."

"Thank you for having us," I said, and with that we followed Aefird as Dame went back to monitoring the construction of the platform.

The foyer was huge. I'd worked in office buildings with smaller entryways. Servants darted everywhere in a mad dash to get things ready for the festivities the next day. Aefird grabbed one of the page boys (David, if I recall correctly) and told him to take us to our rooms and draw a bath for us. Aefird wished us well and went off to scold the scullery maids for something or another.

David, who couldn't have been more than fifteen, led us upstairs. He said little to us, but he watched Audry closely. I remember the last time he was here he was very taken with her. I couldn't blame him, Audry is quite the lady, but she is so out of this kid's league it's not funny.

The girls got their own room and we guys got our own. The sun had already set. Maida, one of the scullery maids, came to us and asked us if we cared for anything to eat. We'd been on the road all day eating iron rations, which meant we were starvin' Marvins. We had a late supper and then went to sleep. After weeks on the road, babies don't sleep that good.

Monday the festivities began, and they weren't exactly festive. After breakfast, where we briefly met a few of the guests, we proceeded to the first event of the festivities: A four hour long church service.

His Excellency, Derish of Safeton--a nice guy, but not one who thinks very much of what goes on outside the Parish--held the service to invoke the blessing of Edoira upon the assembly. Well, after four fricking hours I hope Edoira at least took notice. About two hours into it I heard the sound of someone sawing wood in the distance. It stopped, and then started again only louder. Anna's head rested on my shoulder, and her snoring grew louder. I nudged her gently. She jolted awake and pretended to be very interested in the service. I couldn't blame her. Derish could put a Quickling to sleep.

When it ended, I had to struggle to keep from sighing with relief. Anna didn't bother with any such courtesy. "Okay, that was...well, anyway, where's the ale?"

She let out a yelp as Audry elbowed her. It was a wonder the girl didn't have calluses from the constant elbowing during the service (now I know why Anna didn't want to sit next to Audry).

"Not yet," Audry said. "Everyone will continue in a private service, according to their religion."

"I take it that's where you'll be?" Saul asked, gesturing toward a contingent of priests that looked like they might be followers of Saint Cuthbert.

"Of course," Audry said, an innocent look on her face. "A lady must pray for her friends, don't you agree?"

"Yeah sure," Anna said. "Pray for health, pray for wealth." Audry narrowed her eyes and Anna shrugged. "Okay, maybe not that. How about a prayer for a cute guy of noble birth who'll knock your socks off, along with the rest of your garments."

Audry gasped. "Anna!"

"What? I meant for me? I think you've got that area covered."

You've heard the expression "turning beet red." You don't really know what that means until you've seen Audry embarrassed. It usually requires one of us to rescue her in some fashion. It must have been Marc's turn, because he spoke up first.

"Yes, well, please say a prayer for the rest of us," Marc said.

"I always do," Audry said. She managed to smile to us and a glare at Anna before she joined the priests who went off to the chapel (yeah, Dame's got her own chapel, though she doesn't strike me as a very religious woman).

We regarded Anna coolly. "What?" she said, shrugging.

"As if we should be surprised," Saul said. "You know how she gets."

"And she'll be like this all week," Marc said. "Well, who has her leash for the day?"

"Hah hah, very funny," Anna said. "Like I need watching over."

Yeah, right. Well, we split up for the day and agreed to meet during the banquet that night. Mostly, I wandered around the mansion. Last time I was here I didn't have the opportunity to check this place out. It was larger than my high school, and with more rooms. I met a few of the servants that I remembered from before, including Jayl of the Gnarley. Heh. I still get a kick out of his name. I want to bust out my Beavis impersonation and say "Totally tubular, duuude!" I'm not drunk enough for that, yet. Jayl gladly played a tune for me. Music is a rarity in this world, and after a while you don't care what song is played as long as you actually hear a song. Back home I was blessed with the technology of recorded music and I didn't know it. That's probably the single greatest innovation of Earth.

After I finished exploring the inside, I checked out the grounds. In a field I saw a man doing what looked like Tai Chi. I approached and learned that he was a guest here. His name was Ko, a monk from "the east" somewhere. I asked, and he showed me some of the moves he did. I showed him some of the Aikido I knew. He was impressed, and we spent the rest of the afternoon discussing the art of fighting. He even demonstrated a few moves with me, and I showed him a few things as well, but only a few. This guy was like Bruce Lee or something. Yeah he was that good. At some point we got to talking about the best defensive techniques. What is the best technique to avoid a punch? To not be there in the first place. The idea of fighting without fighting got me to thinking of Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon. You know the scene on the boat? I told that story. The monk laughed loudly and said he would remember that for the future. I found out later on from Marc that very few people had seen an eastern monk laugh, much less actually make one laugh.

Yeah, humor is one of my skills.

That night the banquet went on in full force. There was dancing, food...and alcohol. I know, I know. We're supposed to be here on official business. Well, yeah, we'll get to it after we down a few brews.

I suppose I should define "brew". The alcoholic drink of choice is either beer or ale. I'm not talking Budweiser here, not even Pete's Wicked Ale. I'm talking hair thinning, toe curling, grass killing booze that will floor you. Heck, they'd laugh at the urine we call beer. And to top it off, they feed their kids this stuff. See, water can have contaminants and what not. When the water is processed during the brewing process, it kills all the germs and bacteria (of which they know nothing, they just know straight water from a creek isn't always good for you). Better to wean the kids on beer and have 'em get tipsy then on water and have them get typhoid. Yeah, they got clerics, but they're not always available on call (no cell phones). So, the kids drink beer and ale.

Damn, I wish I grew up here.

Anna had met some guy named Thaddeus. He had a reputation as a rogue of questionable repute, which made him instantly attractive to Anna. She hung around him constantly and even danced with him. The rest of us kind of hung out together. We were still in that awkward stage where you don't know anyone so you stay with the people you came with. Later on, maybe we would go our separate ways. For now, that seemed like the best thing to do. Some of these guests were, well, I wondered if maybe they'd crashed the party.

One guy was an absolute freak of nature. Some guy who called himself Joseph of the Light. He said he was a prophet who kept going on about a coming storm of some kind. Back on Earth, you'd maybe give this guy a quarter to call someone who cared and then be on your way. Around here, though, it was different. See, this guy might actually have some kind of power as a prophet. Likely not, but you never knew. At first he just hustled the occasional guest, but at some point he stood on the stage where the minstrels played and started shouting.

"They will come and overrun us! They will come from the Sea of Dust. What they did there they will do here!"

I tuned out the rest of it, looking for the guards and hoping they'd toss him on his ear or other inconvenient body part. No such luck.

"Only the chosen one can save us," the Prophet said. Yeah, there's always a chosen one. Some sucker who's gonna sacrifice everything he's got and make everything better, and they'll tell stories about him for centuries. "He comes from the land of towering glass."

That caught my ear. You could say that about a lot of cities back home.

"He knows not how he came here, but he will serve a purpose."

Oookay. It was getting close to home, here.

"He speaks not the truth when you ask his name, but he carries truth like a sword. He will shake the pillars of heaven."

Part of me wanted to ask what he meant. Another part was afraid I already knew the answer. To my relief, guards came through the crowd and on to the stage. They guided him away gently as if they were armored bouncers. They were kind to the poor sod as they led him away. The prophet did not resist, but he didn't remain silent. He continued on about something how goodness would journey to the Abyss and stop the evil at its source (I suppose if there's a heart of evil it is in the Abyss). They led him past us (yeah, they had to do that). He looked directly at me and spoke.

"It's true baby," he said. "Can you dig it?"

Someone nearby laughed. "What is he? A dwarf?"

As he continued past he called out over his shoulder. "As on Barsoom, the music is reversible! Turn back, turn back!"

Everyone laughed except me. I watched as they led the prophet away. I couldn't hear the rest of what he said.

I ignored everything else that happened that night. I told myself that there was a sensible explanation. The 70s had hit the free city of Greyhawk with a fricking vengeance. If I were there now people would be wearing bell bottoms and listening to disco. They'd be smoking weed and talking about Woodstock and other kinds of silliness.

Yeah, right.

"John?" Audry asked me. I didn't even know she had joined us. "Are you well."

"Yeah," I said. "I'm fine. Maybe too much ale."

She raised an eyebrow. That's probably the first time I'd ever complained of "too much ale." Usually it was not enough ale. She nodded and let it slide. She had me figured out. If she didn't press me, I'd talk to her eventually.

The party didn't go one too late, which was fine. We had a long week ahead of us. I should be turning in here soon as well. There's some sort of ceremony in the morning regarding some statue in Safeton. I'll try to sleep, but I don't think I'll be able to.