Close call

I could barely see the bolt in the crossbow. That's how it is when it's pointed directly between your eyes.

At least I won't feel anything, I thought morbidly.

"No, Gremag," Rannos said. He put his hand on the end of the crossbow and lowered it. "Somewhere less lethal, and more vulnerable."

I didn't even want to think about where he aimed the crossbow now. Or where he would aim it next.

"Now," Rannos said. "Perhaps you have done this before, perhaps not. Regardless, I'm sure you know the procedure."

"I talk or you start shooting stuff off," I said.

He nodded and clapped his hands slowly. "Very good. Now, who sent you?"

"Look," I said. "I don't want any trouble."

"Oh, it's too late for that. Who sent you?"

"All right, all right." Fast thinking ensued on my part. I've gotten good at it over the years. "Look, I was hired by this gentlemen."

"His name?"

"Nixon," I said. "Richard Nixon."

"And why would he want it?"

"It?"

Rannos frowned. "Don't be coy." He gestured at Gremag, who took more careful aim at my...well...."

"I say again," Rannos said, "why does he want it?"

"I'm not exactly sure," I said. "Something about a watergate."

"Watergate?" he said. "And what exactly is that?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "He mumbled something about not being a crook."

"For your sake I hope you know more."

"Okay, okay." I did some more fast thinking. "He was just a middle man, you know? He worked for somebody else."

"Who?"

"Somebody called Elvis," I said. "A wizard. He's making something."

"And what is he making?"

"He's enchanting this new kind of metal," I said. "Something called Metallica."

"Sounds absurd," Rannos said. "Is that like adamantine?"

"Oh, better," I said. "He's making armor out of it." I hesitated. "Part of the deal was that he would create a suit for me."

"I see."

"He called it the Harvestor of Sorrow."

"And the power of a god will help him?"

A god? "Yes."

"Really," Rannos said. "You're readily giving up information easily, aren't you?"

"Hey, I don't want to die over this," I said.

"This Nixon you speak of...I find it unlikely he would hire someone as incompetent as you." Rannos rubbed his chin.

"Ah, he's just a common thief," Gremag said.

"Indeed," Rannos said. "Harmless."

Harmless? I don't think I'd ever been so insulted. "You know, Elvis knows where I am."

"Does he," Rannos said dryly. "And you think he would know of your capture by now?"

"Oh, he knows," I said. "I bet he's already left the building."

"Enough," Rannos said. He turned to leave. "Kill him, Gremag."

Oh crap. "I have proof!"

Rannos stopped Gremag with a gesture. "Let's humor him for a moment." He didn't look at me as he spoke. "Show us your 'proof.'"

"It's in my pocket." I reached in to my pocket slowly. Gremag took a step toward me as I did. Rannos looked at me out of the corner of his eye as I carefully pulled out my car keys.

"Right here." I showed him the car alarm. "See this light?" I pushed the button. Rannos merely raised an eyebrow at the flashing LED.

"Clever trick," he said. He faced me. "And I take it he will now appear in some sort of brilliant display of sorcery?"

"Yes," I said. I stood. "And when he does, you will rue the day you crossed the path of Elvis--the King."

Nothing happened.

For a moment I actually thought Marc or Saul or any of the others would actually do something to help me. God, I knew I shouldn't have gone along with this. Some adventurer.

"A bit awkward," Rannos said.

"Yeah," I said. "Hey, do you have a cell phone or something?"

Rannos was not amused. "Kill him."

I started to tumble to the side, but something blocked me. I felt a hand on my chest, but I didn't see anything. The hand pushed me aside hard enough to knock me to the floor. I felt someone nearly sit on me, just as I heard a twang fill the room.

An arrow appeared in Gremag's forehead. Just as the arrow materialized, so did Anna. The elf leaned against me as she pulled another arrow out of her quiver. She was a regular Legolas as she nocked the arrow and drew the string. She was fast, but so was Rannos. He already had a dagger in hand. I didn't know if she could fire before he threw it. I didn't get the chance to see.

The dagger flew out of Rannos' hand. As it did, Saul materialized in front of him. Rannos didn't hesitate. He hit Saul square in the stomach, and then grimaced in pain. Saul stepped aside as Rannos fell into the room. He stumbled, but caught himself on the desk. Through the curtain Audry appeared.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"I don't know," Anna said. She looked at me. "Is it?"

"Great," I said. "Just frickin' dandy."

"I see everything's under control," Marc said. He stepped through the curtain.

"Your magic worked like a charm," Saul said.

A short laugh came from behind the curtain. "Good one, Saul!" Ostler appeared. He still wore his apron. "Well, my friends. It seems your regular tricks are as effective as usual."

"These aren't my regular tricks," I said. "And I don't like being a sitting duck."

"Interesting expression," Ostler said. "I believe you'll fit right in."

"I apologize, my friend," Saul said. "We had to be sure."

"And now we are," Audry said. She bowed slightly. "Well done."

"Thanks," I said. "Hey, uh, Anna. Can you get off of me."

She leaned on me harder. "Tell me something first."

"What's that?"

"What in the name of the Gods is a cell phone?"

Sitting duck

I stood at the base of the stairs of the building. I struggled to remember what the original module said about these traders. I couldn't remember their names, but I did know they were, in fact, bad guys. Of course, in the old adventure Hommlet was not under siege. Nor was the keep completed. Things were different. It was possible that all of this took place after the original adventure, which made sense given the fact the keep was nearly complete. These might not be the same people...or they might be.

I grumbled. I asked myself for the fifth time why I agreed to this.

I started to look behind me, and then changed my mind. I didn't want to tip off anyone inside. I took a deep breath and walked up the steps. The wooden steps bent nearly to the breaking point. The porch was not much better, squeaking angrily with each step. It occurred to me this was a good alarm system. As loud as this porch was, sneaking in would be difficult.

The building itself seemed sturdy, but just barely. The boards were warped from years of being pounded by the elements. The metal parts of the door were solid rust. It was as if only the most basic repairs were made, and just enough to keep the structure from falling over.

Much like my own home back on Earth. Of course, nothing would keep it from falling apart now.

I opened the door. The jingle of a chime sounded, but I didn't see one anywhere near the door. I walked inside. Shelves crowded the open room. The first thing I saw were racks of herbs and spices. Spices, I thought. I'd have to return here if I ever got the chance. Nearby, other shelves held candles, oil lamps, lanterns, and further away I could see hammers, nails, saws, and other construction tools. Out of habit, I looked for price tags. Old habits still die hard.

"Greetings sir."

The voice startled me, but I managed not to jump. A gentleman walked toward me from the back of the store. He reeked of a mixture of sweat and perfume, and he dressed in what looked to be elegant clothing, but worn. He offered his hand and I accepted it.

"Rannos Davl," he said.

"John Carter," I said.

"May I help you?"

"Well, yes," I said. I took a quick look around. "I was looking for something in the way of some studded leather armor."

"Ah, armor," he said. He turned around and walked to the other side of the shop. "You know, we are running a little short, but let's see what we have."

I glanced at my surroundings. In spite of being worn and old, the walls looked pretty solid. I wondered if the others could hear my cry for help. This adventuring thing sounds fun on paper (along with dice), but this could get down right dangerous, assuming these guys were actually working for the moathouse or the Temple. Getting hurt would ruin the fun of adventuring. Dying even more so.

I tried to think positively. I reminded myself that even if they were still in league with very bad people, I still might get away with this. That assumed these traders were traitors, of course. The individuals that had familiar names seemed to have personalities similar to those in the fictional adventure. If these were the same guys as in the adventurer, then they might have the same personalities...which was bad for me.

If only I could remember the names of the guys who ran this place from the adventure.

"Ah, here we go," Rannos said. "How fortunate! We have one set left."

"Cool," I said. Rannos looked at me strangely, and I quickly rephrased. "I mean, fortunate indeed."

"Yes," he said slowly. "However, I cannot guarantee that it will be 'cool.' Armor is notoriously hot."

"Of course," I said. I wondered if I could come up with anything he didn't have in the store. According to Ostler, they had extra supplies in the barn. I needed him to go back there so I could have a look around. The more I thought about this plan, the less I liked it. I don't even know why I went along with it. As friendly as everyone seemed, I realized they could be using me. If a total stranger gets hurt, then who would care? Especially someone who claims to be from another world. If they believed me, then they knew I didn't have any family or friends who would miss me (at least on this world). If not, then they assumed I was crazy and no one would care. The perfect sitting duck.

Maybe I wasn't cut out for this adventuring thing after all.

I held up the leather armor. "Very nice. This will do. Ah, and I would also like something in the way of weapons. May I see what you have?"

"Certainly, sir," Rannos said. "What exactly is it that you are looking for?"

I wondered if he had a katana. My kenjutsu training would make that handy, but if oriental weapons did exist they were no doubt very rare. "Do have anything in the way of katanas?"

He rubbed his chin. "I don't have anything that rare, I'm afraid." I managed to hide my shock that such weapons actually did exist in this world. "I do have some sabers that are similar, but not on the shelves. If you will wait here one moment, I will check our stores in the back."

I nodded as he turned and went through a small door in the back of the store. I waited until it latched shut, and then looked around. Time to get to work.

There was a small counter at one end of the store. I looked behind it. There were stacks of papers, but they looked like stock lists. I realized that the list was not in English, but I understood it fine.

I kept looking around the store. Across from the entrance was a curtain. It looked like it might cover a window, but I didn't remember a window being on that side of the building. I went to the curtain and looked behind it. Beyond was a small room with a bed, a desk, a book shelf, and a chest.

Jack pot.

I started to check the chest, and then thought about the possibility of traps. The bed looked filthy, and I wondered how many flees rested in it. Something else I'd have to get used to, I thought. Clean sheets were probably a luxury.

I checked the desk. Stacks of papers filled the drawers, so much so they started falling out. It occurred to me that the desk could have been trapped. Sloppy amateur, I thought. I reminded myself that the proper term was "first level."

I flipped through papers. Most were letters addressed directly to Rannos. I tried to remember the names of who sent them. Hedrick, Feldrin, a man who simply referred to himself as the Lieutenant...I wondered if I had time to shove some of them in my pocket before he came back. In any case, I didn't have much time.

The curtain was thrown aside. A crossbow pointed directly at me, held by a scruffy looking man. He smiled wickedly.

"I told you," the man said. He spoke over his shoulder. From behind the scruffy man, I saw Rannos.

"Yes, you did," Rannos said. He didn't look surprised or angry in the least that I was rifling through his stuff. At least I assumed it was his. "Excellent work, Gremag."

I guess I didn't have as much time as I thought I did.

Bad news

I had a splinter in my butt. I just knew it.

The oak table and benches needed sanding, though I doubted there was a Home Depot around where I could get a sander, much less decent sandpaper. The boards in the floor and walls were thick. I wondered how much sound could penetrate them. The room was relatively clean--probably spotless by this world's standards. Looking at the dirt in the corners and the occasional beetle that scurried in and out of the knot holes in the walls, a part of me felt that all of this was a terrible mistake. No more internet, no more TV or mp3s. Never again would I hear Beethoven or Bach, or Linkin Park for that matter. From now on it was huddling around the fire for warmth in the winter and sweating like a pig in the summer. But the fire was warm, even though it was several feet away. And the food smelled delicious.

If only we could eat it.

"...and we give thanks for this bounty, and for your guidance..."

Audry's prayer kept going. And going.

I glanced at Anna. She frowns and glares at Audry. She's about to say something when the universal word for the end of a prayer is uttered from Audry's lips.

"Amen."

We dug in with a vengeance. I was starving. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had eaten. Venison, potatoes, bread...it was too good to be true.

A few bites later, I realized that spices were probably a rarity in this world. I had salt, pepper, and bouillon cubes in my gear back at Marc's home, but it wasn't doing me any good at there. After a few more bites I forgot about the bland food. I had to get used to it sooner or later. As I helped myself to some potatoes, the door to the room opened.

"Hello my friends!"

The man was about five and a half feet tall. His hair dark was cut into the familiar bowl shape found in any medieval era history book. He straightened out his shirt, making sure it covered his belly. He was overweight, but not grossly overweight. "What? Aren't you glad to see your old friend Ostler?"

Audry stood and went to him. "Ostler, it is always good to see you." She embraced him. "And how is Mrs. Gundigoot and the children?"

"Oh, just fine," Ostler said. He looked at the rest of us. "And Saul. The prodigal son returns."

"It's been a while, Ostler," Saul said. "I'm glad to see the Inn has endured."

"Oh, we've endured a lot over the years," Ostler said. "The Inn of the Welcome Wench is not going anywhere."

I couldn't believe it. The Ostler Gundigoot. To the old D&D geeks of my world he was practically a legend. The fanboy in me wanted to get his autograph. The rational side new that I'd then have to explain how I knew who he was, or what this place was. Or how I knew the layout of this town.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that name," Audry said. She stepped aside and gestured for Ostler to join us.

"Yeah," Anna said. "You know, us wenches might take offense at it." She winked. "Well, maybe not all of us."

"Ah, well I suppose if the wife brings it up I may have to change it. Oh my, it looks like I missed grace."

"Wonder how that happened," Marc asked.

Ostler grinned as he sat down and reached for a piece of venison. Audry sat next to him. I could see the muscles under Ostler's sleeves. His arms were heavily muscled. His whole appearance was deceptive. He looked out of shape, and in some ways he was, but he was not helpless by any means.

"Burne and Rufus," Anna said, sitting down, "are late as usual."

"I'm afraid they won't make it," Ostler said. "They're busy these days. What with the keep and all."

"And the attacks," Marc said. "Is that what this was about?"

"I'm afraid so," Ostler said. "This last attack was not random. The homes hit were hit for a reason."

Saul filled his wooden plate. A wooden plate. I guess porcelain is a luxury. I'd have to get used to a lot of things. At least the utensils were metal. Rusty metal, but metal. Audry had mostly vegetables on her plate, though she had some venison. Marc and Anna had more normal portions, at least compared to Saul and I. I had completely forgotten about the lack of spices. It was actually pretty damn good.

"I was wondering about that," Marc said. "How many were taken out?"

"All but two," Ostler said.

"All what?" I asked.

"Supply stores," Ostler said. "For, uh, emergencies, you might say."

"Weapons," Saul whispered to me.

Anna started to say something, but Audry silenced her with a gesture. Anna frowned.

"Indeed," Ostler said. "We started gathering them after the attacks began in earnest a few months ago. It seems some locations were hit twice by various kinds of artillery magic."

"They knew," Audry said. "That's disturbing on a number of levels."

"How many knew of these caches?" Marc asked.

"Not many," Ostler said. "Burne and Rufus did some investigations, but to no avail. Regardless, there is no question. Someone is on the inside."

"Lovely," Anna said. "Do we have any ideas at all?"

"I do," Ostler said. "About six months ago we had a new trading post open up."

Memories of the old adventure flooded back to me. Those traders were also traitors. They worked for the moathouse, which worked for.....

"And you suspect them?" Marc said. "I've met them. They seem odd, but they are friendly enough."

"They keep staring at my breasts," Anna said.

"Wonder why that is," Saul muttered.

Anna either didn't hear or ignored him. "Still, they've got good stuff. And they, uh...well...."

"Can get special items?" Marc said. "Yes, that is true as well. Prices are fairly reasonable as well."

"Almost too reasonable," Anna said. "They can't be making too much money."

"Like that matters," Saul said. "Have Burne and Rufus investigated them as well?"

"They have their people working on it in Verbobonc," Ostler said. "Checking references and so forth. No word yet, though."

"If you're right about them," Audry said, "you might not hear from their people again."

"A disturbing thought, my dear," Ostler said. "Regardless, we do not have the time."

"You think these traders know about the rest of the caches?" I asked.

"That's the question," Ostler said. "If they do, it's not through us. If they do know, then they can tell us who told them."

"Kinda doubt they'll just tell us," Anna said.

"Agreed," Ostler said. "However, we seem to be in a fortuitous situation. We know someone whom the traders do not know." He looked at me, along with everyone else.

"Oh," I said. "Is that why I was invited?"

"No, my friend," Saul said. "But if you wish to help, this would be one way to do it."

"It could be dangerous," Marc said.

"Especially if they are the bad guys," Anna said.

"And if they are," Audry said, "I think it can be safe to say there will be more."

"And if you had a weapon they would become suspicious," Ostler said. "Thus a weapon is out of the question."

"And you have to be alone," Saul said. "If they have someone on the inside they would probably know who is involved."

"To sum up," Anna said, "you'll be facing potential traitors unarmed who may or may not have more guards. All of whom will be armed." She winked. "No problem, right?"

I smiled bitterly. I didn't have all of the details, but what I had so far didn't sound very safe. Still, I did say I would help.

I thought about the burned out farms outside, and how many more might be burned out if nothing was done. It all sounded iffy, but if I wanted them to trust me I had to trust them.

"Oh, hell," I said. "What exactly is it you need me to do?"

"Ah," Ostler said, taking a drink of wine. "That's where it gets interesting."