My World of Hell, part three

I stood in a forest grove. It was the same grove I appeared in when I first came to the Flanaess. Audry stood before me calmly as I removed her clothes. She did not resist. I was hungry for her. I struggled to remove them quickly, but they felt heavy. I could barely lift her jerkin.

Anna is right. You are slow.

She touched her clothing. They fell away immediately. She stood, nude, her arms reaching for me. I didn't resist as she pulled me to the ground and lay on top of me.

If only you weren't dreaming again.

She fell away from me. Someone plunged me into a river.

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I awoke soaking wet. One of Hedrack's lackeys stood over me with an empty bucket that had been full of water at one time.

"Wakey, wakey," he said.

Hedrack waved the man away with a gesture. The man left the room. Behind Hedrack stood his woman again. She actually showed her disgust now, but I was beyond caring. The beating didn't begin again. He only watched me for a moment, a strange look on his face that I couldn't place.

Then he spoke two words. Those words terrified me.

"What do those words mean?" he asked. "They are of no language I know of, nor do my wizards have records of any words." He caught his breath. "Unless...."

He knelt over me again. "What is your name?"

"You know my name," I said.

"No, I only know what you call yourself," Hedrack said. "Is your name John Carter?"

I tried to resist, but I was beyond it. I was broken. I would have told him anything.

"No," I said.

"What is your real name?"

"You already know that too," I said.

He glanced back at his priest for confirmation. "As I suspected. By the way, have you figured out where you are?"

"Hell," I said, "though the specific layer escapes me."

He cracked a smile. "Perhaps. Now, tell me, Where are you?"

"Somewhere in the elemental temple, I would presume."

I felt a hand under my chin. I didn't resist. A glass flask pressed against my lips. The liquid felt like water to a man dying of thirst. No matter how many times you taste a healing potion, you never grow used to your taste. It must be how ambrosia tastes.

I looked up after I drained the potion. Above me stood Hedrack's woman, her hand under my chin. She released me and took the empty potion bottle. She passed Hedrack with her eyes lowered. She leaned against the wall near a torch where I could still see her. She turned and regarded me. She didn't seem indifferent, nor did she seem disgusted any longer. She looked more passive then I had seen her before.

"As I thought," Hedrack said. "Delusional and disassociative, as I suspected."

Part of me wanted to spit out a retort, but I was afraid. Looking at him, I realized I would do or believe whatever he said. I belonged to him now. I could not hurt anymore than a puppy dog could hurt its owner.

"Shall I show you where you are?"

I didn't resist as he reached for me. He touched my forehead with his hand and I felt myself slip into unconsciousness.

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I saw myself in a white room. I looked down on myself from the ceiling. I could see myself laying on a tile floor, curled into a fetal position. I had my finger in my mouth. Also in the room was a metal bed with a simple mattress. The white walls, I realized, were formica. A single window of real glass was set in one wall. Bars covered the window.

The door to the room opened. It had a conventional door knob, the likes of which I had not seen since the day before I ended up in the Flanaess. The man who walked in wore a white doctor's coat. He wore shiny black shoes, slacks, and had a shirt and tie on under the shirt. He came in and gestured to two men behind me. The men, dressed in white shoes and green scrubs, came in and picked me up. They treated me with care as they moved me on to the bed.

I jerked up suddenly. The three men stepped away. I struggled briefly, but my arms were restrained in a straitjacket.

"Sir, calm down." The doctor moved toward me with his hands raised. The two men next to him readied themselves to wrestle me to the ground. One of them had what looked like a nightstick. "We are here to help you. Can you tell me--"

"I will not submit!" I screamed. I stood up and struggled with the straitjacket. "I am an adventurer! I slew your lackeys at the moathouse, and I will make short work of you as well!"

"The moathouse?" The doctor's voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. "I'm sure I don't--"

I jumped and side kicked one of the orderlies. He dodged out of the way easily. The other came in with his nightstick. He touched me on my thigh. A crackle went through the air. I screamed in pain. The other orderly grabbed me and restrained me easily. The doctor moved forward and stuck something into my neck.

"It's no use Doctor," one of the orderlies said. "Every time we come in here he does this."

"He's worse than when he first came here," the doctor said. "We'll keep him sedated for now."

"You will pay!" I shouted. Whatever was in the syringe started working quickly. The orderlies kept me from collapsing completely. They lay me in bed and then all of them turned to leave. The door closed behind them and I heard a deadbolt lock with finality.

"Soldiers from Verbobonc are on their way even as you torture me," I said. My words started to slur. "My friends will not leave me. Your evil will end."

I drooled on myself and passed out.

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I awoke. Hedrack pulled his hand away from my forehead. I had returned to the torture room.

"I can make you see the real world from time to time," Hedrack said. "But only briefly. If you wish to go back, you must decide to."

I shook my head. "What are you saying?"

"You see me as the man torturing you," Hedrack said. "That's because you don't want to leave."

"Of course I want to leave," I said. "I don't want to be tortured."

"You don't want to leave your fantasy world," Hedrack said. "I'm trying to help you."

"Help me," I said. "How can help me by torturing me, Hedrack."

"My name is not Hedrack," he said. "My name is Doctor Henderson. You were brought here several months ago."

"Here?"

He sighed. The look of evil I had seen in his eyes for God knows how long had gone. Now I saw a look of complete concern and sincerity. "You are in Fort Logan Mental Health Institute. The park rangers found you wandering the park without your clothes. You thought they were," he hesitated, thinking of the word. "You thought they were orcs."

I stared at him. "You lie."

"You are very ill," Hedrack said, "and you've been getting worse. Something traumatic has happened. We don't know what, but it was significant enough to cause you to withdraw into yourself."

"You lie."

"We had to do some research, but we figured out what Hommlet and Flanaess mean," Hedrack said. "You seem to have recreated this Dungeons and Dragons world in your own mind. You have disappeared into your game world to avoid...what?"

"This is a trick," I said. I found my mind clear. The pain had subsided. "You think you've broken me and now--"

"I am not trying to break you," Hedrack said. "I am trying to help you. You can't stay in this dream world forever. You have to come to terms with whatever happened to you. If I knew more about it then I could do more, but as long as you resist me I can do nothing."

"You know nothing of me," I said.

"I know your name," Hedrack said. "And that is not all." He proceeded to rattle off my home address, my social security number, where I worked, what I did for a living...and a bunch of other details. I stared at him as he rattled off the list. I wanted to strangle him, but the chains held my arms to the floor.

"How could I know these things?" he said. "How could I know so much about you unless I knew you in the real world." He gestured around him. "I'm not sure what you see here, but you are in a mental health institute. You are not and never have been to your fantasy Dungeons and Dragons world."

"I'm--I'm in an asylum?"

Hedrack grimaced slightly. "Not a word we like to use, but yes. We have been trying to help you. Unfortunately, our recent attempts to help you have been interpreted as torture. We have tried to keep you sedated for now, but I fear that you will reenter a catatonic state once more unless you pull yourself out of it."

He held up the cat-o-nine-tails again. "I don't wish to use this again."

"You and me both," I said.

"I won't sedate you again," he said, and stood. "I will leave you alone for tonight. Think on what I have said. I have tried everything, and I can do nothing more until you wish to be saved. I will help you, but you must reach out for me."

He turned and gestured at the woman. They proceeded to the door. "Good night," he said, and he spoke my real name again. Before he left he turned to face me. The temple emblem on his robe had disappeared, and the black robe had turned white, just like the lab coat of the doctor I saw. In his hand, the cat-o-nine-tails was gone. In its place was a syringe.

"I hope you will be more clear minded tomorrow." His voice sounded just like the doctor's.

The woman followed him out. She wore virtually nothing, as she always had. She started to close the door behind her and then stopped. She regarded me for a brief second, and then winked. She did not smile or change her expression as she did.

She closed the door. The dead bolt slid into place. It sounded like the dead bolt on the door in the asylum.

I looked around me. It looked like a dungeon room, complete with stone walls and torches. It stayed that way as long as I stared at it. The pain was gone. My heart raced with panic, but part of me felt relieved, as if the worst part was over.

I laid down on the floor. The chains around my wrists and ankles felt real. The stone floor felt cold. I stared at the floor, trying to change it from stone into tile with my mind. I didn't know if I wanted it to change or not.

It remained stone, even as I fell asleep.