...and speaking of big

We're camping just outside of Hommlet. The sun went down not long ago. Anna said she'd take a quick look around and then come right back. Frankly, what we saw earlier doesn't look good at all.

On the way in we saw one of the local farmers. I remembered him from the last time we were here (which was sometime after the moathouse incident...yet another story I need to relate). He walked with two oxes hauling a small two-wheeled cart of hay. We came out of the trees. He nearly jumped out of his skin, but he recovered quickly. He waved his hand at us, keeping it discreetly low. From the other side of his wagon we saw them. Three armed guards appeared. We managed to get out of sight before they saw us. We watched carefully as they headed down the road.

Looks my adopted home town is in trouble. Again.

Therapy:

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As I recall from the old monster manual (first edition--hey, I'm old, okay?), Ogres are an "L" class creature. L means large. Well, if that wasn't the understatement of my life.

My first thought was how the hell did this monstrosity get through these tiny doors? Did they grease him up? And how bad would you have to screw up to get that job?

All thoughts of greasy ogres disappeared. We stared at the massive bulk as it charged us, holding a club I could never hope to lift. It ducked as it prepared to charge us through the door.

And it gave me an idea.

I pushed Audry and Sanns aside. I braced myself, waiting for the right moment. It was a simple maneuver in aikijujitsu. And he was so very off balance stooping through that doorway.

I grabbed the front of his jerkin and bent my knees. God, he stunk. I rolled on to my back, planting a foot on his stomach. He was heavy, but his momentum carried him over me and out the recently destroyed secret door. Like most people who could not ukemi--that is, do breakfalls--he tried to straighten himself out so he could stand. It merely served to make his landing harder.

I didn't wait for the inevitable crash. I jumped to my feet and turned to face the beast, only he was not there.

It took him a moment to hit the ground. Only then did I learn that beyond the secret door was a set of stairs leading down. Apparently, they were rather steep and they went down quite far. The ogre's cry echoed along the walls, and then was cut off as he crashed on the stone steps. I could feel the impact of his massive frame as he hit, and then tumbled down the stairs. After several seconds, he reached the bottom. All was silent after that.

I peered down the stairs, but it was only darkness. I half wondered how many hit points he would have left after that fall. The lack of noise on his part indicated he probably had very few, if any.

"Nice," Anna said. She stood by me, looking down the stairs. She looked back at Saul and Audry. "How long would that have taken you guys?"

"Longer," Saul said. He stood and helped Audry to her feet. "Good work, John."

"Indeed," Marc said. "Of course, things will get slightly more difficult from here on out."

"You think someone heard that?" I asked.

A strange barking noise echoed up from the bottom of the stairs. Something jabbered in a language I had never heard and with a voice box very unlike mine.

"There's your answer," Audry said. She drew her sword. "I don't speak gnoll, but I'd imagine they are not very happy."