Really big things

I've been in this strange world for almost a year. Given that traveling by horse is the best way to go, you'd wonder why I still haven't gotten used to this wretched animal.

It has a mind of its own. A small mind (about the size of a walnut if I remember correctly), but big enough to want to go and do things on its own. It keeps wanting to go over here and eat grass, and then go over hear and smell another horses butt. I didn't know horses did that. The others just stare at me bewildered.

Fortunately, I've discovered I can write and ride at the same time. Even though the horse bounces around, I still write smoothly enough. Yet another feature of the magic log-book-thingy.

We should have been in Hommlet by now, but we ended taking the "scenic route." About halfway to Hommlet we encountered a group of trolls. Trolls! They're fricking huge, let me tell you! The leader was damn near twice as tall as me.

We got off the road and into the trees to let them pass. One of them got a whiff of the horses, forcing us to retreat further into the woods. We weren't exactly eager to take them on as we only had one flask of oil (hey, we didn't know we'd be taking on trolls) and...well, they're trolls. In the game you may think you can handle a troll because you're high level. I have no idea what level I am, and trolls are trolls. They're huge and can kick your ass hard.

We've stayed in the woods since, traveling across broken trails that Saul and Anna seem to know pretty well. The result is that things are taking longer than anticipated.

I still haven't gotten used to this whole living outdoors thing. Yeah, I like camping back on Earth, but I went inside every now and then. Out here there's nothing but mud, rain, and bugs. Even the inns have bugs. I try not to complain, but I see Audry and Anna whisper to each other and giggle as I constantly itch.

I think I have fleas. Or maybe ticks. Oh hell.

We're getting ready to move out in the next hour or so, or whenever . We stayed in a cave overnight and late into the morning. The horses seemed to handle the cave okay, to my surprise. Marc cast some sort of illusion over the entrance. The closer we get to Hommlet, the more humanoids we see. We only saw that one group of trolls, but so far over the past couple of days we've seen orcs, goblins, hobgoblins, and at one point we saw...I kid you not...we saw a group of mixed humanoids (an unusual event in and of itself) led by a drow.

For a while, I couldn't wait until we got to Hommlet. Now I'm not so sure. At any rate, we should be there by either tomorrow or the next day, depending on how much hiding we have to do.

Until then, therapy:

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The guard was quite helpful. So helpful in fact he even showed us a different way downstairs. "That's how we avoid the slime," he said.

"Slime?" I asked.

"Green slime," he said. He shuttered. "Poor Ian got caught in it. Ate his gonads right off."

"How colorful," Audry said. She fingered the pommel of her sword. "Care to lead the way?"

The guard looked at her, glancing at her breasts from time to time. He rubbed his nose and nodded. He twisted a small stone resting on the floor. As he did, a panel in the wall made to look like stone swung inward. He gestured at us and we followed.

Audry went first, followed by Saul. Anna walked behind them and kept an arrow nocked. Marc and I proudly brought up the rear.

We followed the vile man down a set of stairs. The air got muggy the further down we went. The smell of rot filled my nostrils. I struggled not to gag. After a few minutes we reached a landing about eight feet square. There were no doors, just stone walls covered in mold. Saul and Audry stood next to the man. The rest of us were still on the stairs.

"They be this way," he said. He gestured at a wall.

"Better not be a joke," Saul said.

"You saw what I did upstairs, didn't ye?" The man pushed on a panel. A section of the wall popped open. He looked at us, smiled, and then ran into the room.

"Wake up! Wake up!"

Saul reached for him as he ran, and missed.

"Ye blasted beast, we got--uh!"

Saul started into the room after him, but stopped himself short. I heard a thud, like a baseball bat hitting a mattress. Saul and Audry dropped to the floor. A shape flew passed them and crashed into the far wall. The wall gave way like thin paper, revealing a secret door in the most unintended way imaginable.

We ran down the stairs to check on Audry and Saul. They ignored us as they stared into the room. That's when I heard the voice of doom. The voice rumbled like a train, vibrating my ribcage.

"I told you never to wake me!"

If that's what he did to allies who woke him up, I wondered what he'd do to invaders.