I can deal with people

Training sucks, but it's necessary in this line of work.

Saul and I have been doing training with the Verbobonc militia. The war is moving ever closer and there is fear that Verbobonc may be sieged. The front line is hundreds of miles away, which is a lot in an age where armies travel by foot and horse instead of APC.

Still, better safe than sorry.

We get up at the crack of dawn and run. We run across this obstacle course made of wood and wrapped in blankets stuffed with straw ("padding", or at least this world's equivalent). Clerics are on hand to heal the broken bones that happen on a regular basis (I've broken my arm once and broken three fingers). We then proceed with sword practice for a couple of hours, followed by archery for another couple of hours (I'm starting to get the hang of it). This is then followed by various other exercises that would likely make any health nut on Earth collapse in a fit of rage.

To my surprise, the food was generally nutritious (I guess these guys do have some sense of nutrition, unlike medieval times on Earth--or maybe it was the clerics and their healing spells, I can't be sure).

The first week was the worst, but it started to get better. Now I tackle it with gusto. I can do two hundred leg squats in a row. I can do a hundred push ups with no problem. I'm getting leaner and stronger--I've never looked so good. But that's not the point, of course.

The point is to get better at what I do--fighting. I guess my class is "fighter" on my invisible character sheet. And I'm getting good at it too (or maybe I'm just getting cocky). And these guys are really liking some of the aikijujitsu I've been showing them as well. In return, I've been learning some things from them. Marc even said he'd try and teach me the basics of magic. I was ecstatic, and then the word came down.

The messenger was a wood elf--not the kind of person you see near human civilization very often. She looked like she was twelve years old, but I bet she was easily two hundred. She eyed each of us warily, expecting anyone at anytime to lash out at her with either a sword or harsh words. Being a fish out of water myself, I couldn't blame her. She delivered her message and was gone quickly. It was a day before I learned the details from Marc. There were few details, but what the message did say was chilling.

Something's happening in the Gnarley Forest, something to do with the old Elemental Temple.

I knew it. I damn well bloody knew it.

We're leaving tomorrow.

Until then, more therapy:

---------

The moathouse guards only stared as their commander fell. The smile on his face remained transfixed in death as he fell forward, an arrow protruding from the back of his head. He hit the ground like a mannequin. It would have hurt if he were still alive.

Light filled the tower doorway. It looked like a giant spotlight that shined directly at the guards. They cried out, covering their eyes. One actually dropped his crossbow. Another lowered it so the quarrel fell out of it. The flash of light lasted for an instant and then faded. Marc lowered his hands and looked at us.

"Now would be a good time while they're distracted," he said.

I hefted my sword and moved forward. The martial arts training took over. I spun and kicked one of the kneeling guards in the teeth. Blood spurted upward and covered his face. I turned again and planted my knee in the face of the other kneeling guard. Both fell to the ground, clutching their jaws.

The two standing ones had stepped outside. One managed to recover himself and fired his crossbow, forgetting he managed to let the bolt fall out of place earlier. He stared at his useless weapon in surprise. He dropped it and reached for his sword, but not in time. I bashed him across the temple with the pommel of my sword.

I saw something flicker in the corner of my eye. I stepped aside and parried the incoming attack of the last remaining guard. I countered and chopped at his sword hand. He screamed as he dropped his sword. His thumb hung from his limp hand by a piece of skin.

Saul charged out the door of the keep and punched the screaming guard square in the jaw. The guarded fell and skidded across the courtyard for several feet. A trail of blood pooled around his thumb, but it was quickly washed away by the rain.

"Not bad," he said, as he continued past me and toward the fallen guard. He grabbed the guard by a foot and proceeded to drag him toward the keep. Behind me, Audrey and Marc dragged two more inside the keep.

"He doesn't like monsters," Anna said, "but he can handle people okay." She hung her bow across her back and reached for one of the fallen guards. He was still conscious, but he didn't resist as she tugged at his foot. "Little help here, John?"

"Right," I said absently. Together we dragged him inside the tower. The whole time Saul eyed the rest of the courtyard. The main complex of the moathouse loomed before us in the shimmer of the heavy rain. Only remnants of the upper level remained, but the lower level seemed largely intact. The courtyard itself looked relatively clean, probably kept that way by the brigands, or whatever, inside. I wondered how many more there were.

"At this point, I suppose there's no reason to be discreet," Marc said. "If anyone's in there, then they know about us."

"And they would have done something by now," Audrey said. She closed the tower door. "Or they're setting a trap hoping we'll think no one else is there."

"That's were I'm betting my gold," Anna said.

"I wonder if they brought up everyone from downstairs," I said.

Everyone looked at each other and then at me. "What makes you say that?" Saul asked.

"Say what?"

"That there's a downstairs," Anna said.

Oh hell. I'd told them about my world, but I'd never told them about the game. Did I dare tell them this was all a game on my world? We had heard of the names Greyhawk, Flanaess, Hommlet, Furyondy, the Great Kingdom...and, of course, the Temple of Elemental Evil. How would you react if your life, your struggle to achieve greatness in the world, were nothing but a silly game in another world?

"Well," I said, "look at it. The whole upstairs is trashed. The main structure is unsound. If this is a staging area for raids, there has to be more to it, right? If we can't see it, then it's probably underground."

Marc raised an eyebrow. "Reasonable." He glanced at Saul and Audrey, both of whom shrugged.

Anna was already at the main doorway to the moathouse, looking it over and peering into holes in the wall. The building was so slighted I couldn't believe it was still standing. She gestured at us and we approached.

I stepped over debris and loose stones in the courtyard. Weeds had crept up through the cracks and water filled the large holes in the ground. I didn't know how deep they might have been.

"Nothing moving," Anna said when we reached her. "At least nothing warm."

We shook the rain out of our clothes. "Traps?" Saul asked.

Anna shook her head. "Not out here." She tugged at the door. It looked old to me, but opened easily. Once open, I could see the trim around the door designed to look like rust. The hinges themselves looked as if they would never work, but now I could see they were fake. The real hinges were just behind them.

"Nice," Saul said. "Very professional."

"I think I would have preferred brigands," Audrey said. "Whoever did this had proper training."

Anna peered inside. She side-stepped cautiously inside and looked around. She gestured for us to enter.

Inside it was nearly pitch black. It smelled of mold and rot, but it wasn't terribly strong. I pulled off my pack and dug through it as Saul and Anna disappeared into the darkness. They returned just as I found my flashlight.

"No body heat," Saul whispered. He winced as his voice echoed off the walls anyway. He took a step closer. "There's a couple of passageways and some stairs down in a side room."

"You were right about there being a lower level," Marc said to me. "I imagine that's where they'll be."

"Let me check it out first," Anna said. "If I were them I'd trap the hell out of it--"

She broke off and held up her hand for silence. She pointed directly across the door and mouthed words to us. Voices, over there.

I didn't even think about it. In my world, it's such a harmless and common tool. I pointed the flashlight I dug from my pack in the direction she pointed and turned it on. The far wall lit up with the familiar, round white light of the flashlight. I saw a single door.

Everyone stared at me, astonished. Marc merely nodded, impressed. "That's the strangest light spell I've ever seen."

"Oh, it's not a spell," I said. "It's...well...it's hard to explain. It's just a small incandescent bulb sitting against a parabolic mirror." They looked at me as a deer might gaze into car headlights. "Well, I guess I can explain it to you later."

"That should be interesting," Audrey said. "Saul, you said something about a passageway?"

"Yeah, two of them," he said. "One right there, and--"

I pointed the flashlight beam toward the hall. Five men cried out as the beam danced across their face. They fired their crossbows reflexively. Most buried themselves in ceiling. One whizzed right by my ear.

Anna nocked and fired an arrow like a regular Legolas. It landed in the shoulder of one of them. The remaining guards struggled to reload.

In the chaos, an idea occurred to me. "It's also a death wand," I said. I waved it at them, dancing the light off their faces. "Die scum!"

They cried out in fear, knocking each other over as they scurried down the hall. Two actually dropped their swords. They made it about ten feet when all hell broke loose.

In the dancing flashlight beam I saw a large shape behind the men. It rose up to the ceiling, and then lashed out at one of the guards. The man's head disappeared inside the mouth of the biggest damn snake I'd ever seen. It picked up the man, swung once, and then released the man. He bounced off the wall and fell to the floor. He convulsed as his friends ran away, back to the door.

"Boss, it's Bessie!" one of them shouted. "She's loose again!"

Another one cried out. The snake bit him in his midsection. The snake's head was so big its mouth easily enveloped him. I saw the fangs sink into the man's kidneys. The wound alone probably would have killed him. If not, then the massive amounts of poison being injected into him certainly would. Understandably, he screamed like a young child.

"Can't you idiots even set up a proper ambush," a voice said. I turned the flashlight toward the door. A man in chain mail stood at the open door. He froze as I shined the light in his eyes.

"What in hells--" He stopped suddenly, his mouth wide open. At first I thought he was mesmerized by the beam of light. Then I noticed the glowing ball of fire in Marc's hand. I had never seen one before, but there was no question in my mind what it was.

"Get down," Saul yelled.

I dropped to the floor just as the fireball sailed across the room. The man in chain mail shrieked, and was quickly silenced by the explosion. The whole room lit up like daytime. It actually wasn't as loud as I though it would be, or perhaps it was because I was covering my ears. The compression wave of the explosion was the real kicker. The heat enveloped me to the point I thought I was burning. Fire licked the floor, walls, and ceiling as it expanded. For a moment, I was convinced all my hair was gone. And then the fire dissipated almost immediately.

I stood up slowly. Smoke blew by me as it was displaced by the cool air from outside wafting in through the open door. Bodies lay strewn across the floor, burning. Loose trash in the room had either been burned or pushed to the walls by the force of the blast. The smell of burning hair, and another smell, filled the room. I couldn't place that other smell for a moment, and then it occurred to me it was probably burning flesh. I struggled not to vomit.

"Are you okay?"

Audrey put her hand on my shoulder to steady me. She looked concerned. I must have gone pale. I nodded feebly. "No worries," I said.

Anna and Saul already converged on the area, their weapons at the ready. Marc looked down the hall. The snake dragged the second of its two victims back to its lair. I hoped they were dead, for their sake.

"It's clear so far," Saul said, walking back. I still had the flashlight on. The survivors of the snake attack ran toward the door...right in front of the fireball. The result was they were all caught in the blast. The burning corpses lit the room well. I shut off the flashlight to save power. I doubted I'd be buying new batteries soon.

"Hey," Anna said. "Here's one that lived."

She stood just inside the doorway. She pointed a nocked arrow toward the floor. Saul ran to her and stepped in front of her. She stepped back, her bow ready. Saul bent down and grabbed a foot. He dragged the survivor back into the hall. The fringes of his clothes were singed, but he was otherwise unharmed. It looked as if he was behind someone else when the blast hit. He was damn lucky.

Saul dragged him into the center of the room. We stood over him like hawks ready for the feast. He looked at us, wide eyed. He had wet himself.

"Please," he said. "Don't hurt me."

"We won't," Audrey said, "if you don't give us reason to." She kneeled, wrinkling her nose at the growing stain at his crotch. "Now, tell me all about this place."

"If I do, they'll kill me."

"Oh hell, we'll kill you," I said. "Or better yet...." I glanced back down the hall. We could hear crunching sounds as the snake swallowed one of its victims. I looked back at the brigand or guard, or whatever he was. "What was her name?"

"Bessie," Saul said. "She's a big girl. Bet she's still hungry."

He looked up at me and swallowed hard. "Okay, okay. I'll tell you anything."

Anna smiled devilishly. "Oh, I'm sure of that."