A big lizard, an ugly woman, and mini-me

The temple was a few hours away. We checked it out, and, as expected, there are guards everywhere.

"We're screwed," I said. After briefly explaining the euphemism, we ended up heading to the location described by the wood elves--the location of the secret tunnel exit.

We spent a lot of time avoiding patrols. They are getting more numerous. When we arrived at the secret tunnel exit, we found many guards. Marc cast his spell, the invisibility one, and we went inside while most of them were still sleeping.

They don't pay these guys enough, that's for sure.

The spell wore off by the time we made it far enough down the tunnel where we could not be seen. We continued on for some ways. The tunnel looked mostly natural, though it was expanded in some places. After several hundred feet we reached a large cavern with a pool of water. Small, blind fish darted around in the pool. The path led around the pool and then continued on. Anna stopped us about half way around the path.

"Huh," she said. "Saul, take a look."

Saul looked where she was pointing. He went up to a section of the cave wall and felt along it. And then I saw it. That part of the wall had a slightly different color from the surrounding wall.

"A secret door," I said.

Saul pushed against the door. I hear a click, and then the door swung open. "How about that."

"I should have realized something like this would be here," Marc said. "It's unlikely they would create such a tunnel purely for a single tower."

We went into the tunnel on the other side of the door. When we were through, Saul shut it. It closed with a click.

The tunnel steadily sloped down. In some places the passage narrowed to about four feet high and four feet wide. Finally, the passage leveled out. The rough cut tunnel soon became smooth. The familiar arched ceiling of the typical temple corridor appeared over our heads. The passage continued on for about fifty feet and then turned sharply. In the distance, I saw the dancing shadows created by torch light.

"Lemme look," Anna whispered. She pulled the hood of her elven cloak over her head and disappeared. She became a mirage that glided down the hall. She reached the corner and it looked like she peered around it. Suddenly, she jerked her head back. She came back down the hall, hugging the wall and moving like a cat.

"As John would say, we're screwed."

"What is it?" Audry asked.

"Basilisk," she said. "A pretty big one too."

I tried to remember what a basilisk looked like from the Monster Manual. I think it had more than four legs (maybe six). More importantly, it could turn people into stone.

"Why aren't you a statue?" I asked.

"It's back was too me," she said. "There was a passage on the other side of the room. Maybe it's expecting people there."

"Expecting?" Marc said. "A basilisk is not smart enough for that. It would just mull around." He thought a moment. "In fact, it should smell us." He wandered down the hall.

"Wait!" Saul hissed. He went with Marc. The rest of us followed.

"Marc," I said. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"It's back is to us, right?" he said. He leaned around the corner. He stared at a sight I could only imagine. I half expected him to turn to stone. Instead, he looked back at us and did the last thing I expected. He laughed.

"Marc?" Anna asked. "You feeling okay?"

He stepped out into the open, in full view of the basilisk. I nearly jumped out of my skin. What could we do? If we went out there with him, we'd risk getting petrified as well. But after a moment, nothing happened. Marc stared into the room, nodding appreciatively.

"The shadow is wrong," he said. "In this torch light it should be dancing along with it. But the shadow is perfectly still, as if standing out in the sunlight."

Saul leaned around the corner and looked. "Hey, you're right."

"It's an illusion," Marc said. He gestured at the rest of us. "Have a look."

Audry and Anna looked first. Audry merely raised her eyebrows. Anna flinched briefly, and then cocked her head to the side. "Hey, you're right."

I looked around the corner. It was huge. It stood as tall as I did at the shoulder. Green scales covered its entire body. It was something straight out of an Irwin Allen film or something. I saw the shadow on the floor. Marc was right about it. The basilisk was facing us now. Given the size of the thing and the size of the room, it couldn't have turned around so suddenly.

And like that, the basilisk disappeared.

"Where'd it go?" I asked.

"It's still there," Marc said. "At least, I can sense the magic of it. But since you no longer believe in it, it has disappeared for you."

"For all of us," Audry said.

The room, now empty, didn't actually have torches. There were little troughs in the floor that outlined the entire chamber. They smelled of oil as they burned. The entire area was lit, but there was nothing else here.

"Makes it easier to see the basilisk," Marc said. "No way to get a real one down here anyway."

There was a passage that continued on for a short ways. It ended with at some very steep steps. There were two doors in the room itself. One of them was part way open. Inside the room was lit by what looked like a lantern.

"Who left the lantern burning?" Saul asked.

Who indeed. I took a step toward the door and reached for it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It wasn't any of the guys, they weren't near me. So what...?

I took a step back and drove my elbow into the thin air, about in the same place as someone's stomach would be if they were standing behind me. The idea of Marc's mass invisibility spell came to mind. Of course he wouldn't be the only who had it. And if I was wrong, I only looked foolish instead of dead.

The elbow padding around my chain mail armor rammed into...something. It felt like someone's stomach. How about that. I someone gasp right behind me. I turned and back handed the source of the gasp. I felt someone's jaw across my knuckles. Spots of red spattered across the floor.

I heard someone hit the floor and curse loudly. Before my eyes a woman materialized. She jumped to her feet immediately. Blood trickled from her mouth. She must have been about six inches taller than me, and she was...well, she was pretty homely looking. Her teeth were slightly pointed. I guessed she was a half-orc.

"Now would be a good time Falrinth," she called.

Behind her I heard a pop. "Indeed it would be." He gestured at Audry and Saul. A gust of wind sent them down the hall toward the stairs. They bounced off the wall and landed on the floor hard.

The woman spun. I saw the kick at the last minute and ducked. She followed up with a back hand of her own and smacked me across the jaw with more force than I anticipated. I took a step back and dropped into a defensive stance.

"I owed you that," she said. "I can't believe you hit a woman."

"Your a woman?" I said. That pissed her off.

We went at it, hand to hand at first. At some point she pulled out a dagger and it got serious. My dagger was in my boot and I couldn't get to it right away. I did my best to stay away from that thing. It was probably coated in poison or something.

Behind her I heard both Marc and this Falrinth speaking. Rather, they were casting spells. Each of them was surrounded by a column of light that made their image shimmer. Spells bounced off these shells.

The dagger came in low, and then feigned high and came in low again. She was pretty good. She'd probably killed a lot of people. She swung again and again, but kept missing. It got her angry. Big mistake.

Finally, she made a mistake.

She over extended her thrust. I stepped to the side and caught her hand. I spun her around, bringing her completely off balance. I then reversed the spin. Her legs went out from under her and she landed on her shoulder. I wasn't taking any chances. I locked her arm and put all my weight on it. She cried out as I broke her arm in two places.

I looked up. Saul and Audry had managed to get up and approach. The wizard, however, was gone. Marc stood their, surrounded by the transparent rainbow colors of protection spells.

"Where is he?" Audry asked.

Marc shook his head. "We exchanged some spells and then he teleported."

I went to the slightly open door and pushed it open. It looked like a bedroom, including a large sofa, an overstuffed chair...and more weapons than you can imagine. The walls were covered with them. Swords of all sizes, knives, daggers, halberds, and a bunch of stuff I didn't recognize.

"The palace of our princess here," I said, gesturing at the half orc on the floor. She laid there, staring at me like I was the lowest form of life, not even worthy of being stepped on but someone had to do it and it might as well be her. In other words, in the same way all my ex-girlfriends stare at me.

Anna went to the next door and checked it quickly. She then opened it. The room had a gigantic triangle painted on the floor and surrounded by runes. In addition to the standard bed, shelves lined the room. All kinds of strange things filled the shelves, everything from musty tomes to mummified animals.

"This looks like home," Saul said. There was one other door in the room. "Maybe he's hiding?"

Anna checked it for traps and then opened it. It looked like a workroom, including a workbench, lots of potion bottles, what looked like wands...Marc would have fun here.

"So he left," Audry said. "Now he'll warn everyone--"

"Shh," Anna said. She held up her hand to keep us silence. She held her other hand to her ear. I listened. I could hear someone chanting, just the Marc does when casting a spell.

"It's coming from the other side of the wall," Saul said. He went to a wall and felt along at it. After a moment he found a small lump on the wall. He depressed it and a section of the wall moved aside and revealed a hall.

"Man," I said. "These guys like their secret doors."

Went into the narrow hall. We heard more chanting and hurried our pace. The hall rounded a corner. The wizard stood in a narrow room, surrounded by cabinets, workbenches, and a bunch of stuff I couldn't recognize. He looked up at me after he finished his spell. He smiled at me, both of him. A copy of him appeared next to him, followed by another, and then another. A half dozen Falrinths looked at me.

From behind the Falrinths appeared a small little runt. It stood about two feet high and had no clothes. Not that it mattered, because it looked like it didn't haven anything to cover up. Its face looked like an old lady's that just smelled something bad. Two little horns grew out of its little head.

"Is that mini-me?" I asked.

Falrinth said nothing. He gestured at me. I felt a pack of sledgehammers hit me in the chest. It knocked me back about five feet. My head bounced off the stone floor.

Mini-me moved quickly. He jumped on top of me and held his claws to my throat. Anna's boot came out of nowhere and kicked him off my chest.

Anna knelt over me while Audry and Saul went into the room. The copies of Falrinth spread out as they approached. He began casting another spell as they attacked him. Audry sliced through one Falrinth and the image winked out. They "killed" a few more copies before the spell was done.

A hole opened in the air next to the Falrinths. It was as if the fabric of space opened up for him. The Falrinths stepped through the opening, and it closed behind him.

"Master!" Mini-me got up off the floor and stared at the spot where Falrinth once stood. "Master!"

"Well isn't that too bad," Anna said. She drew her short sword. "Now, do you wanna play?"

Mini-me jumped impossibly high in the air. I saw little wings on his back flap furiously. He continued on down the hall, into the bedroom, and on into the main chamber. He chittered the whole way, saying something I could not understand.

Anna put her short sword away and reached into the community pack. She pulled out a healing potion and helped me drink it. As I drank, I realized my chest was smoking. After I finished the potion I felt its power flow through me. The pain dissipated, and was able to sit up.

"Mini-me?" Audry asked.

"Never mind," I said. I stood. I wasn't feeling great but I felt a lot better than I did a few minutes ago. I should get the recipe for that healing potion. I'd make a killing back on Earth if I ever managed to get back. No more HMOs or socialized healthcare. Drink the potion and you're right as rain.

"What now?" I asked.

"I fear I have used up most of my spells," Marc said. "I must rest and rememorize."

"No problem," Anna said. She looked around the room. There were cabinets, coffers, and bookstands everywhere. "Let's see what Falrinth has."

"I thought you gave up stealing," Audry said.

"Hey, it's not stealing," Anna said. "If he wanted it he would have taken it with him."

"Think he'll tell on us?" I asked.

"Tell the rulers of this temple that he failed to stop us?" Marc said. "I rather doubt it. Though it doesn't seem to matter. They already know of us."

"That's why they have all the guards," Saul said. "Good thing, really?"

"What, it's a good thing that half the frickin' invading army is looking for us?" I said. "How is that good?"

"They are using up a large amount of resources on us," Audry said, "instead of invading other towns."

"The scary part of that," Saul said, "is that maybe what we have seen so far is only a small fraction of what they have available."

"Hey guys," Anna said. "You need to see this."

Anna held up a small iron box. She opened it and showed us the contents. There was only one thing inside. It was a small sphere made entirely out of gold. It was carved to look like a human skull without the lower jaw. There were four holes around the skull itself; one on the forehead, one on the back of the skull, and one over each ear--or at least where the ear would be.

"Think it's valuable?" Anna asked.