Back at the ranch

Well, it's been an interesting few days. And by interesting I mean, of course, "oh God I'm gonna die any minute!"

Such is the life of an adventurer. Yeah, it sounds like fun, but it's only fun when you're telling the story. While we're experiencing our little adventurers all I can think about is maybe I should go back to writing java code. What I try to do these days is focus on the future. "What a great story this'll make," I tell myself. It helps.

We're just outside of Hommlet now, after wandering the countryside avoiding patrols and what not. Yes, we went back to Hommlet. No, we didn't utterly and completely sack the temple. That's on the agenda for later. We had to come back.

The good news is we found the missing children. The bad news is we still don't know where Rufus and Burne are.

Some time ago people from the elemental temple, with help from the invading army that has now made its way past the Flinty Hills in the south. Instead of storming the village, they somehow managed to take all the children (still haven't figured out how) and now they have forced the people of the village to work for them while maintaining an appearance of normality. If they didn't, bye-bye children.

But that's not going to happen now. In fact, what will happen is that the townspeople will rise up against their oppressors. Ostler is working out the details. You know, he may be an overweight innkeeper, but there is far more to that man than meets the eye.

We couldn't afford to look for Rufus and Burne. We had to get the children to safety. Nulb is out of the question. Half those people probably work for the temple anyway (there sure were a lot of them coming after us when we ran out of town). So we had to come here.

The children are in hiding beneath the inn. If all goes well tomorrow they will be united with their families. It will go well. I can guarantee that. Then, when we're done here, we're going back to the temple. I can only hope that the havoc we've caused has caused some damage.

So, how did we free the children? Glad you asked....

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Marc's magic mouth spell began to whisper. We were on our feet and running upstairs. The tunnel was out of the question, considering it took us far from the temple. We had our escape plan set, assuming they hadn't surrounded the tower completely.

We looked out the back window on the north side of the tower. The sun had set. Being the city boy that I am, the pitch black night of a world without artificial lighting is still unsettling. "See anything?" I asked.

Anna and Saul looked out over the grounds, scanning the area with their heat vision. It had a limited range, but if there was anyone relatively close by they would have been spotted, even if they were hiding behind bushes. Finally, they both shook their heads.

"Clear," Saul said. He kicked both piles of ropes off the edge of the large window. We had tied them off earlier just for this instance. We slid down quickly, all of us except Anna. Once we were down she untied the knots and climbed down with practiced agility.

That's when they broke down the tower door. They shouted, but it wasn't any kind of battle cry. I heard the counterweight slam into the ground floor, even from this side of the tower wall. Anna's trap went off like a charm, which meant at least a few of them were now hanging in a net somewhere near the ceiling.

Anna landed like a cat. We took off running to the south, hugging the wall. Anna and Saul led the rest of us. I tripped over a large stone. Audry caught me before I stumbled. We kept moving. Finally, we reached an opening in the wall. We peered around. To the north was the tower. Torches lit up the interior. Someone was shouting commands, and they sounded angry.

"How many?" I asked.

"Hard to tell," Saul said. "A lot. Twenty at least, probably more. Sounds like humans and humanoids."

"Perfect," Marc said. "Good call on waiting for the ambush."

"Unless they left a lot of guards behind," Audry said. "In which case they will have us flanked."

"Thanks for the optimism," I said.

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I remember an anime from back on Earth (can't remember which) where a character said, "Luck is one of my skills."

Well, that's the case today.

They did leave a few guards behind. Fortunately there were only five of them. They loitered around the large pit leading down, talking. They didn't hear Marc until he had already finished casting his spell.

All five of them fell into a deep slumber. I could've used a spell like that the night before final exams.

We left them there. They might remember Marc or they might not, but if we dragged them off that would definitely tip everyone off. And it was unlikely they would announce they had fallen asleep on the job, or so we hoped.

We went down the west wing and into the vestry. We followed the stairs down, or at least started to when Anna stopped us.

"Look at this." Against the wall near the top of the stairs was a small chest. "That wasn't here when we last got here."

"Check it," Saul said. "But be careful."

"Careful?" Anna rolled her eyes. "Please. Aren't I always?" She checked the chest. "Look at these scrape marks. This was definitely brought here recently. There's no traps." She lifted the lid. It swung open easily. She reached inside and pulled out two robes, one red and another green.

"There's five of each in there," she said.

"Interesting," Saul said. "Someone knows about us."

"And they want to help us," Audry said.

"Or set us up," I said.

"Unlikely," Marc said. "Giving us disguises probably wouldn't help." He murmured a spell. "And they are not magical, which means they are not cursed."

"So, who'd help us?" Anna asked.

"The earth temple," Marc said. "If there is rivalry between temples, then someone must hope we will use these to good use. And since they are no more perhaps the few survivors are leaving this to get back at the other elements."

"Well, whatever the reason," Anna said, "I say we make use of it." She passed out robes to everyone and we proceeded downstairs.

We got to the intersection and stopped. We realized we didn't know of a way to lower levels. Fortunately, the problem was solved immediately. Saul took a few steps ahead. As he did, we noticed he got shorter. The further he went, the shorter he got.

"It slopes," Saul said. 'Come on."

We continued down the hall as it sloped further and further down. The corridor reached an intersection where it started to slope up. There was a side passage some twenty feet wide that led further down. The passage was plastered with scenes of murder, rape, and other horrible scenes.

It sloped down steadily for some time. Finally, it ended at a set of massive, bronze doors. They looked a little like the large ones we found upstairs, but without the runes. There were two passages leading left and right of the doors.

Anna tugged at the door. They didn't budge. "Don't see a place to pick the lock, and I don't think we can break it down." She sighed. "Left or right?"

To the right came a screech. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. It was followed by another, and then another. Soon there was a chorus of screeches that echoed down the hall.

"Not that way," Saul said. He gestured down the other hall and we nodded. We went to the left. After about ten feet, it opened into a larger room. We saw it almost immediately.

It hissed and clacked its beak. A beak? It looked like a bear, but it had a beak. Its head twisted side to side as if it were mounted on a wheel. Its head swivelled just like an owl's, but it was a bear.

It charged us, chains dragging behind it. It moved with the shambling quickness of any bear. Saul and Marc moved to the left while Anna, Audry, and I moved to the right. As I went, I slashed at one of its giant paws. A few of its digits fell to the floor. It howled, loud enough for everyone upstairs and down to hear it.

Audry spun and slashed at the tendons in its legs. It was like slashing at thick rope. Her blade nicked it good, but it remained standing. It turned and back handed Audry, sending her to the floor.

Two arrows appeared in its chest in rapid succession. The owlbear ignored it. I jumped high and slashed at its eyes. I actually managed to get one. Either the creature couldn't feel pain or it didn't care. Its claws grazed my armor, and I managed to avoid the broken paw it continued to attack with.

A stream of lights poured from Marc's hand and impacted the creature. It faltered under the magic missiles, but kept moving toward me. I raised my sword, ready to slash its midsection, when the thing arched its back. Saul stood behind it, his sword bloodied from the slash down its spinal cord.

I slashed it across the midsection, once, and then again. After a third time, I finally opened it up. Its insides spilled on to the floor. The smell, my God. You can't imagine the coppery smell of blood mixed with the stomach acids and god knows what else. The owlbear fell to the floor. We stood over it, hacking at it until it stopped moving. It was an ugly way to fight and an ugly way to die, but it was an ugly creature so it worked out in the end.

I went to help Audry. Marc dug out a healing potion for her. She drank it eagerly. She grunted as her ribs snapped back into place. "That could have gone smoother," she said. "Anna, are you--?"

Anna ignored us. She dug through her pack furiously. She looked up and pointed. "We're not done yet."

On the other side of the triangular room was another passage. Standing there was a tall, lanky humanoid. He was almost twice my height. His skin looked like a mottled green in the continual light from Marc's orb. Its mouth worked, making sounds. It took me a moment to realize they were badly pronounced words.

"You kill pet," it said. Pet? "Now I kill you."

"Hardly original," Saul commented. He and I both stepped forward.

"Is that a--?" I started.

"A troll," Anna said. "Hold it back for now."

There was something about trolls that was important. I didn't remember right off the bat.

It lunged at us. I sidestepped and whacked off its hand. It shrieked, but did not stop. It fully engaged Saul. He did everything he could to avoid the remaining claw. The thing lunged at him, driving him back into the wall.

I rushed forward and chopped at its ankle. It turned and back handed me with its stump. Thick, black blood sprayed across my face as I fell backward. I rolled away from it. I managed to look up as it turned toward me. The stump had changed. The wound closed over, and something stringy grew from the stump. It looked like a tiny hand.

Trolls. Now I remember. They regenerate.

It took a step toward me and then stopped. Something shattered on its head. Glass shards dug into its face as the liquid the flask contained spilled over it. The troll shook its head, sniffing at the substance.

"Huh?" It turned to Anna. She stood with an arrow in hand. Several rags were wrapped around the end of it. Audry tried to light the arrow with flint and steel.

"NO!" The troll turned and ran down the hall. Saul moved to intercept. The troll swiped at him with its stump. Saul ducked and swung at the trolls ankle. His blade cut deep, but didn't sever the ankle completely.

The troll kept lumbering down the hall. Anna ran passed me, her arrow finally lit. She took aim at the retreating troll.

"INTRUDERS--" Anna's arrow planted itself in the trolls back. The oil caught fire immediately, along with the troll. It screamed as the flame spread over its body. Anna pulled out a flask she had tucked in her belt. She threw it at the troll and hit it square in the back. It exploded, utterly covering the troll in flame.

The troll turned down a side passage. We took off after it. Saul and I led the way. The troll had entered a room, probably its lair, and fallen completely. Its body continued to burn. Its screaming had long since stopped, but it had already drawn attention.

On the other side of the corpse I saw a shadow move. Saul grabbed me and we continued down the hall away from the trolls lair. I heard cries of surprise from behind us. The figure held its hands in front of its face as it backed away from the fire.

"Who was that?" Anna asked.

"Another troll, I would imagine," Marc said. "At least based on the reaction."

The hall turned several times and then straightened out. "Okay, so we announced our presence," I said. "What next?"

"Hiding sounds good," Anna said. Up ahead the hall turned again. "There!"

Down the hall was a door. She raced for it, checking it. "It doesn't appear trapped. Hopefully it's not locked." She tugged on it. It didn't open. "Great." She pulled out her picks and went to work.

Down the hall we heard voices. Several of them. Their voices sounded like gargling silverware. I remember hearing voices like that before--bugbears. From behind us I heard another voice, the voice of a troll.

"Might want to hurry," I said.

"Just a second."

"That's about all the time we have," Saul said. "I hope you can work under pressure, because we're about to get a lot of it."

"Do you mind, I'm--ah, got it!" She pulled the door open.

We piled through though the door and shut it quickly. Saul and I stood there with our backs to the door. Collectively they might be strong enough to break the door down, but every little bit helped. Ahead of us I saw stairs leading down.

On the other side of the door the voices got louder, along with the footsteps. The troll that was behind us and the bugbears that were in front of us converged just outside the door.

Their voices carried through the door like it wasn't even there. "You see them?" That was the troll.

"No," a bugbear said. "See who?"

"Maybe they in here?" Someone, probably the troll, tried to open the door. Audry helped Saul and I. Even Marc and Anna tried to help keep the door shut. The troll tried a few more times until a bugbear interrupted him.

"It locked," it said. "Always locked. Good lock. They not go through."

Anna looked at me and winked. Cheap lock, she mouthed.

"You sure they come this way?"

"No," the troll said. "They may go other way."

"You go look," a bugbear said. It could have been a different one but I couldn't really tell. "We tell water temple."

The troll grunted in acknowledgement. It lumbered back down the hall. Footsteps went down the hall in the other direction.

We let out a collective sigh. "A little too close," I said.

"You guys could have taken them," Anna said. "Oh well. I guess it's time to put on our cloaks." She put on a red cloak and left the blue one behind. The rest of us did the same. When we were ready, we stepped outside.

The hall was empty, but we heard voices coming from one end, the end we were headed for before we got sidetracked. We crept along for about a hundred feet when we came to an open door. Looking through, we saw a good sized room full of junk and debris piled in different corners of the room. It was otherwise empty.

Across the hall was yet another open door. That led to another room. Old green tapestries hung from the wall, along with a long bench and wooden keg. Nothing else was here, but there was yet another open door.

"Where is everyone?" Audry whispered. "I don't like this."

"Feels like a trap," Saul said. "Stay on guard."

We went through the open door. The entire room glowed green. A strange mist seemed to hang in the air, though it really wasn't a mist. The room looked like it might if it were underwater. The whole room smelled like the ocean.

In the middle of the room stood an altar, at least it looked like one. The bronze thing was covered with carvings of fishes, whales, and what looked like dinosaurs (sea monsters, I guess). A wall on the side of the room looked like it was made of bronze. It depicted underwater scenes, though mostly involving more dinosaurs (Plesiosaurs, I think, or just plain ol' sea monsters). No one was present.

"They run away or something?" Anna asked.

"We just got here," I said. "What's there to be afraid of?"

We walked into the room further. The wall on the other side of the alter was covered with a large curtain. Or it might have been a curtain covering a hallway, I couldn't be sure. In front of it was the ugliest statue I ever saw. The eight foot monstrosity looked like a mix of fish, eels, octopi, and monsters. The whole thing sat on wheels.

"Someone has very poor taste in art," Marc said.

"What's this green stuff all over everything?" Anna asked.

"Verdigris, is the term," Marc said. "You normally see it near the ocean on bronze or copper."

"Look at this," Audry said. She pointed to one corner of the room. A 20 foot tall stone block rested there. On top of it stood a statue of a gargoyle. It almost reached the top of the thirty foot high ceiling.

"There's one in each corner," Saul said. "I hope it's just for decoration."

As if on cue, the statue moved. Its head turned and looked at us. A smile formed on its stone lips, and then it spread its wings. It launched itself off the pedestal and did a dive run.

Its wing brushed by my cheek as it passed. It almost felt like cloth instead of stone. It soared upward and turned. As it did, the gargoyles on the other three statues stood. They dove off their pedestals at us.

Anna pulled back into the room we had just left and took shots at them with arrows. The rest of us split up. Two of them ganged up on me. Audry joined me and we chopped at them as the made swoops. An explosion of light at the other end of the room knocked one out of the air. I had no idea what spell Marc had just used.

I felt a claw rake across my shoulder. I ignored the pain and swatted at it with my sword as it went passed. Audry cut deeply into a second. It fell from the air immediately. Its wings had disappeared completely as if they evaporated. Lying on the floor was a corpse, one that looked to have been dead for weeks.

"What the--?" I didn't get the chance to finish my comment. The corpse stood. It put its hands on the floor and pushed itself up. The creature's limbs were rotted to the point that there was little meat on them, yet it managed to get itself to a standing position somehow. It reached out to Audry.

Audry promptly sliced its head off with her sword. "Never seen that before."

I heard the flapping of wings behind me and spun. I cut through the gargoyle. It slammed into the floor, slid, and hit the alter. Its wings were gone as well, leaving behind another rotting corpse.

"Gargoyle zombies?" Saul said. A geek after my own heart.

"Rather zombies under the influence of magic," Marc said. He cast another spell. An arrow appeared out of nowhere and slammed into another gargoyle. It dropped to the floor. Again, its wings were gone and it turned into a decaying corpse. "Look at the tatters of its clothing. The remnants of a cloak. There is a type of cloak that can cause the wearer to emulate gargoyles."

The zombie by the alter rose. I spun and swept its legs out from under it with my foot. When it fell, I sliced off its head. Just like in the movies.

Saul sliced at the last flying gargoyle. It fell to the ground, turning into a zombie. Gargoyles are one thing, but zombies.... In a few minutes they were beheaded. Each head was still alive and moving, struggling to command its body to move. Silly zombies.

"That's that," Anna said. Of course, it wasn't.

"What in the name of the Gods!" The curtain on the wall had parted. Two men stood there, dressed in blue-green robes and adorned with jewelry shaped like sea creatures, mostly whales. What, were these guys from San Francisco? Or maybe Boulder?

Behind them stood about a dozen bugbears and an ogre. The priests glared at us while the bugbears stared at the remains of the zombies. The ogre merely stared at the priests. It looked like only the priests were really angry. Everyone else seemed baffled.

Whatever. Time to get into character.

I kicked one of the zombie heads at the priests. They ducked as it sailed past them and bounced off the ogre's chest. It hit the floor, working its jaw as if trying to speak. The ogre just stared at it. He looked at the bugbears and shrugged.

"Death to the water temple!" I shouted.

"What?" One priest stepped forward. "You have no right! Hedrack will have your head!"

"Not in your life time," Audry said. "The element of fire is superior!"

She sounded like she believed it.

"And here's the proof," Marc said, completely dead pan. He murmured an incantation. He was getting good at this kind of thing. The priest must have known what he was about to do, for he started his own spell. The other priest shouted orders at the ogre, who I guess was the leader. The ogre turned to the bugbears, but stopped when he saw their faces. Each of them stared at Marc...Marc and the burning ball of fire in his hand.

I must admit. I really like this spell.

Marc hurled the fireball. The bugbears and the ogre turned and fled. I don't know how far they got, but they got a lot farther than the priests who just put up their arms. Yeah, that'll help.

I turned and ran to a set of double doors behind us, just next to the single door through which we entered. The fireball went off amidst cries of surprise and anguish (such is the case with all fireballs). The blue curtain caught fire, along with the priests. The fell to the floor, shouting and rolling around. One ran for the alter and climbed on top, trying to douse himself in a concave opening full of water. When you're on fire, respect for the gods and their shrines doesn't mean much.

"This way!" I shouted. Everyone followed me to the doors. I jumped and kicked at them. They flew open immediately. We fled the water temple and into a twenty foot hall. Being quiet was less important than getting away from a dozen bug bears and an ogre--and two priests who'd be pretty ticked off if they were still alive.

The hall turned after about twenty feet and went another thirty or so before ending in another set of double doors. These doors, however, were wide open. We went through them into another twenty foot wide hall. The hall looked some sixty feet long. It was lit with torches and in the distance it looked like it opened into a much larger hall. Right across from us was another set of double doors.

"Which way?" I asked.

"This way," a voice down the hall said. Someone leaned out from an opening in the wall about halfway down the hall. He waved his hand at us, gesturing for us to approach. "Hurry. It's all right."

We went. We didn't have any other option. As we approached I saw that this person's hand was hairy and covered with claws. It's whole body was hairy. It was a bugbear.

"And we should trust you for what reasons?" Audry asked.

"You don't have to," it said. "You can always go back the way you came."

Down the hall I could hear boots. Lots of boots. And I could hear people shouting, lots of them and they sound angry.

"Or you can come with me," the bugbear said. It was surprisingly eloquent. "My master wishes to see you."

"Master?" Saul asked.

"He's right," Marc said. "Let's go."

We went into the side passage. The bugbear stepped aside and let us pass into the ten foot wide hall. Once we had entered the hall, he closed the door behind him. It was operated by a pulley system inlaid in the ceiling above it. I imagined it was hard to detect from the other side.

"This whole place if full of secret doors," I said.

"Of course," the bugbear said. "How do you think priests get around without their followers knowing?"

"Ah, of course," Audry said. "The last thing a priest would want is to be followed by his god's followers."

The bugbear said nothing as he led us down the hall. We passed a stairway going down (made a mental note of that) and then we passed a gargoyle fountain that spewed milky white water. Poor guy must be in puberty.

"Not more gargoyles," Anna said. The bugbear ignored us.

Finally, we reached a door. The bugbear opened it and walked in. "They are here as you said they would be."

"Ah, good." The voice sounded human. We entered the room and found that, indeed, it was a human. Surrounding him were about a dozen bugbears and a couple of gnolls. The human was dressed in white robes and adorned in jewelry. He bowed slightly at us.

"I am Prefect Kelno of the Element of Air," he said. "I bid you welcome."

"Yeah, well thanks for getting us out of the jam," I said.

He raised an eyebrow. "Interesting way of putting it. You certainly have caused significant trouble." He smiled. "The simpletons of the water temple no doubt believed your ruse and are planning their attack on the fire temple."

I looked at my red robe. "That easy, huh?"

"The elemental temples have been against each other for some time," the Prefect said. "They are all agitated as it is. Even something as simple as this could send them over the edge, as it were."

"That includes the air temple, I take it?" Marc said.

The Prefect frowned. "My temple is...not what it used to be?"

"Where is your temple?" Audry asked. Her sneer was slight, but detectable. No doubt a paladin wanted little to do with an evil priest, elemental or otherwise.

If the Prefect detected her disdain, he said nothing. "Defiled," he said. "Destroyed!"

"Earth, water, and fire got the best of you?" Saul said. It sounded like a funk band from the seventies.

The Prefect began to pace. "They united briefly, if you can believe it. They envied my power. There was little I could do with all three of them moving against me. It was by skill alone that I survived."

"Hedrack let you live, huh?" Anna said.

"Enough!" When he shouted the bugbears reached for their weapons. I wondered how many of them actually spoke common. "I have a proposition. I suggest you listen. Yes, even you holy woman."

Audry smiled wryly.

"Help me destroy the other temples," he said. "Help me get revenge! Help me and I will leave this place. I will take my temple and worshippers elsewhere. You will not see us again. And I will leave the spoils of the temple to you. Treasure beyond your dreams! Treasure for your decadent temples of good, or for your own pockets. What say you?"

"What if we say no?" Audry said. I looked at the bugbears. There were a lot of them. Maybe we could take them, maybe not. I didn't want to find out. I glanced at Anna. She fingered her bow carefully.

He mumbled a word to the bugbears. They drew their weapons. "Then you die."

Marc nodded slowly. "It seems we have no choice then." He looked at the rest of us.

"No choice," Audry said. She drew her own weapon, as did we all. "But to kill you all."

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More tomorrow, if I live. I need sleep. Strangely, I am actually quite tired. I thought I'd be too wound up to get to sleep. Maybe I'm getting used to this adventuring thing after all.